The scripture of Mark 8:34 has really been popping out at me a lot lately. I have yet to read Mark fully, but at random moments of my life this scripture seems to follow me. I've really read it hard this morning, and I finally figured out why.
The scripture says "If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me." I never quite understood what taking up the cross meant so I read a little more and found out that the cross of Christ is a symbol of suffering. Of course! It's also the symbol of death, shame, ridicule, rejection, and self-denial. When we as believers take up our cross and follow Christ, we deny our own selves and commit ourselves to these areas of struggling.
Now I completely understand. I sometimes have these temptations to wonder back into my old self, mainly because I get really low in my own world, or just bored out of my wits. This is the moment where you have to get out of that state of mind, and completely forge over to the mind of God. Quite frankly, if I were to wonder back into my old self, doing the same thing I used to do months ago, I would not be getting anywhere. Where I am standing now in this point in my life, I never would have thought I'd be here a year ago.
Where was I a year ago?
Cursing high school.
Hating everyone I looked at.
Smoking a lot of cigarettes.
Almost not graduating.
Lost in a selfish relationship.
No family bondage.
My life was a sugar coated hell.
Where am I a year later?
First year of college, DONE.
Art teaching ahead, DONE.
Out to serve God and live the life that He planned, DONE.
Serving others, DONE.
Loving and attempting to help everyone I see instead of hating them, DONE.
No selfish relationships, a HUGE family of friends and of God, and awaiting this exciting life I have finally allowed God to take control of, DONE DONE DONE.
So, to be honest, I never want to go back to where I used to be! The only thing I want now is pray that everyone I used to do these selfish acts with, would follow God and hang with me again! Yeaaaaaaah...that's a nice dream. It's not impossible either. God works miracles, I'm walking proof.
Wow. I've just gone to show myself through this blog that this is just the beginning. I really do struggle, fall down, cry, get angry, get afraid, and feel worthless. This is the hardest chapter I have ever opened in my life, and I guess that's what makes it exciting. I never know what's going to happen, and so far it's been good. I have to remind myself that God's in control, He's good, and He's merciful. I just want everyone else to see this.
