I was a mopey Holland today... But! Everything can be fixed when you have a lovely friend to go to who is wise and highly understandable. I feel totally blessed to have someone in my life that is willing to sit with me for a couple hours over coffee, see a few tears, hear a lot of complaining, and still be smiling the whole time knowing that everything is going to be alright in the end.
I feel like I've hit a stone wall the past week, with thoughts of madness, worry, self pity, low self esteem, and a little of every other negative thought that a person would pound on themselves. All you need is a little courage to sit with someone, dump your worries out in front of the two of you, and piece together solutions that have been knocking on your door but you're too caught up in the moment of your feelings to realize what you should do next. Yes, this has totally been me all along.
I'm going to step aside, analyze all of the troubles, set them aside and finally open the door to the solutions that are, daDUH, right there in my face.

Sometimes, it's really hard to decide what to do next.. That's when people and prayer come to play. I'm thinking about taking a drastic step (in my eyes anyway), and getting out of school for awhile. *Gasp!* Really, what's the point of putting so much stress and pressure on yourself when you aren't working for anything. I have no friggin idea what I'm going to do with myself, where I'm going, or what I would like to do as a career. Seriously, a career is the last thing that I have ever thought about. I'm going to be looking for a full time job, get myself together on my own with a couple pals, and let God show me who I am. I always try to take control of everything, but right now the best thing to do is fork it over to God and stop being such a control freak. He knows me better than I know me so He knows where I'm going.. He always has.

Another thing: I've been incredibly hard on myself. I lie to myself every single day, put more weight on my shoulders, and thinking I'm going to die every second. Piff. I think I'm finally ready to take another leap in this chapter just to see where it takes me. It may be quite a while for that matter but God's timing has always been better than my own.