Feeling of Freedom

Ahhh... Assumptions. Let's all assume something, shall we? C'mon..we're human. It's a terrible thing, yes?
I think so too.
We all love how people assume something about us. They think they know just what makes us tick. I've stated too much of myself that I'm not even sure I want it to be true anymore. I've said things I really shouldn't have to some, possibly in a way just to make them appreciate me a little bit more. "Why do you do that to yourself?" I ask myself often. In my point of view, that falls into the Degrading category. Glimpsing back at choices I recently made, the feeling that makes me cringe is overwhelming.

So, I close my eyes. Clear my heart. Go to God. Which I've done, and it's perfectly stated in bold in front of me exactly who I am, and exactly who I am not that I thought I was.

The typical me, who I thought was me, would dwell on finding a perfect love. Of course, my flesh took control of this, went raging, and lead me through paths of fear, regret, manipulation, insanity, and lies. Half of which came from my own self. How could I possible allow this to happen or to even thought of it? Where was my spirit?
Truth is, as of now, there's is no sense in finding someone to be compatible with me. There's only one person that loves me enough to the extent of no matter what I do, what I say, how I act, or any small (or huge) mistake I could possibly make, they are always going to have this love for me that no one else can even come close to a comparison with. Of course, it's the Lord. It took me so long to accept this fact. He can literally fill in any gap that I would try to fill on my own by hunting down someone and leave it ending in a train wreck.
Now, I have developed my standards set so high, that anyone who is going to walk into my life is going to be compared with Jesus.
I can't even begin to explain the feeling I have for being such a inconsiderate fool to this gift of such a loving person. I've abused the suffering He went through, all because He loved me to save me from my own selfish tendencies.

Scary, huh? Imagine what's it's like to be the one wearing these shoes.

I love looking at this clean slate in front of me. How beautiful it feels to finally have it in my grasp. My journey gets deeper everyday that passes, and the seed that is inside develops another root. I can see it in my mind, the beginning of a tree is forming with such a small sprout already in perfect view.

This is the beginning of year number two, and I have finally found the one True love of my life and will wait fully on His timing when the one He's created for me takes his first step into my consideration. It feels good to stop taking the reins myself for a change.
I just hope the guy is prepared to stand next to Jesus.

Now, am I prepared to stand next to Jesus?

Nope. So, there's lots of work to do. I'm beginning to get used to God's timing and allowing this present time to focus on introducing myself to..myself. No longer will I feed others assumptions so I can walk around and be the assumed Barbie doll that everyone saw coming.

Who knew a few weeks could change so many thoughts.