I tend to over think every time I consider making a new post. But this time, it's strictly going to be the illumination of my mind and what has been intoxicating it. Yes, it is intoxicating.
For the past two years, I have given myself room to figure out my own mind, ticks, motions, and future. I've come to knowing God and listening to other peoples beliefs. I've caught a glimpse of eternal fear and and dubbed to never have encounters with it again. I've also relied on others far too much.. So much that I was completely defeating the purpose of attempting to find myself. I gave up so many things in order to please others, I've created my own masks in ways to cope or distract myself from truly disturbing things, and I've also colored outside the lines of life which normally ended as a mistake, but truthfully I learned some important things that have broadened my perspective and gave me a new outlook on the future.
Let's just get one thing clear: Life is full of choices. You choose this, that, and those. You will NEVER avoid the concept of choice. I have chosen to do the things I feel comfortable with, whether they end terribly or not. People have done much worse things, and have come much further in the end. If one analyzes what they have done thoroughly, they may find it to be quite a beautiful story. Yes, your very own adventure that you CHOSE to create with every thought and decision you took. Then you can look at yourself again and accept the fact that you are not, nor ever will be, perfect. If you attempt, you will go nuts, you will end up hating yourself, and life will be too much for you to bare. There is only one perfect being, and you know exactly Who I am talking about.
I've had a bit of a shake up as of late, and noticed how imperfect the people I love are. It truly made me honored to look upon myself and pick out my imperfections to avoid my human minds attempt to pick people to pieces. The only thing that kept me focused was the fact that no matter what I do or think or even attempt, God is going to be there. He already knows what I'm doing, what I'm thinking, and exactly how this post is going to end and who is going to read it.
My biggest pinpoint is that everyone should stop analyzing others lives as a thin sheet of glass. They shouldn't look at someone and think "Oh, it's going to be tragic for them.." How awful and selfish to do such a thing! I've caught myself doing this in the past, and realized how sick I felt afterwards. Does this feeling not settle on anyone else? I'm a little disturbed by those who I put a lot of trust in. It's taught me to not rely on those of whomever, but to lean against the Lord and all that He does.
This past month, I've made a new friend and it's someone that I feel God led me to and allowed me to realize what a wonderful person they can be despite their past. Everyone needs someone to talk to to..and when there is no one, God will send someone if it is requested. I'm putting this puzzle together that no one is capable in seeing but Him, so the only thing they know to do is raise an eyebrow, attempt to judge innocently, or act in a sense of subconscious jealousy. It hurts me to watch this, and feel what I felt this past weekend in the people who I thought loved me. I wasn't the only person, seeing that affected my very own sister. We each felt it just as strong that it brought her to tears. The assumptions of others is truly a poison that can be looked at just as terribly as jealousy is considered.
We are all human. It's not my place to point fingers out of anger or call someone out by name.. All I can merely do is look to God and pray for those in situations as such, and for myself to get through these thoughts that make me want to walk away. No one is the victim in this, yet everyone is. That's human nature for you.
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